WHY???

For the love of all that is holy, why are you doing this again?

The only answer I can say is, "why not?"

Over the past several months, I've been musing about motivation. I've written before about how I just couldn't commit, and I wasn't sure why. Early in December, something clicked into place, and my brain said do it.

I signed up before my brain could say "WTF are you doing?". I fooled myself. I had a moment of strength in my head that said I could do it again and took advantage of that moment and just committed. Strength had not been in control for a while, and it finally stood up very tall and big and grabbed the controls and moved quickly. And that right there, was the secret sauce that was missing before. If you give your brain a chance to catch up to your moment of strength, the part of your brain that has doubt, fear, concern and is quite lazy will take over the controls and the moment of strength will vanish into thin air.

Grabbing hold of that moment, doubt just stood there, like a deer in headlights. Fear skulked back into it's corner. Concern just scowled and stormed off to some far reach of brain. Lazy...is still lurking around the periphery, but is quickly learning that it's not really welcome right now. It throws a fit sometimes, and will sit it's lazy ass on the couch, front and center and won't budge. But strength is getting bigger, faster, and has taken to shoving lazy off of the couch. Lazy follows me for about 15 minutes and then retreats, plotting it's next attack. I'm currently working with a very strong team to throw the couch out. We have it shoved into the corner, by the back door.

I have signed up again with my coach, Colleen Sullivan, who coached me with my first event. She knows my weaknesses and strengths and doesn't put up with my bullshit.

Kirk is still the best training partner ever, running with me in the pouring rain. Except for when he walks into the room when I'm on the trainer, clearly suffering, and says "That looks like it hurts". Then he is pure evil. But I'll keep him around. The kids have made me promise that I'll eat two dinners a week with them, which is fair and doable. And I so appreciate them being open and honest about what they didn't like about it before.

This is a commitment not just from me, but from the whole family. I am a lucky woman.